Very Hilarious - Does this man think he is still alive or what?

November 05, 2017

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Trending

A man found himself wondering in a strange place. He looked around but nothing was familiar. He then noticed a man in white and trudged up to him. This conversation transpired between them:

Man: Hello Mr.
Man in white: Hello, welcome to the gate of heaven and hell.
Man: what the heck!!!?? You mean am dead?
Man in white: yes. What killed you on earth?
Man: It was my mobile phone o. I was talking with my babe over the phone while I was driving. We were arranging for a date. That when the accident happened. Don't know how I got here. Cha!! So I don loose my latest Ferrari wey I dey take mesmerize Lagos girls be that?

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Curiosity killed the cat

September 18, 2017

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Funny

One day Jonah was walking down a street and saw a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover shouting “9, 9, 9″. He asks the man, “Excuse me, why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and shouting ‘9, 9, 9′?” The man says, “Well, I can’t tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under

there and find out. He thought for a moment then agreed and he says, “Okay.” The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it shouting

“10, 10, 10.” …

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Jonah and Angel Gabriel - funny

September 18, 2017

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Funny

A Jonah died and went to heaven. When he got to the gate of heaven, Angel Gabriel told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain access into heaven, a soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

Jonah thought for a few minutes and answered…

1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Angel Gabriel said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?”

Jonah replied, “Well, we have January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc….”

Angel Gabriel lets him in without another word

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Jonah and his step father - Very funny

September 17, 2017

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Funny

At age of 9, Jonah lost his father. the poor kid had had difficult times trying to get over his great loss.
Few years later his mother decided to move on and got married. Jonah however refused to accept his step dad as his father. The sight of the man disgust him so much. On his 13 birthday, his step dad surprised him with iPhone 6 and ticket to Dubai so as to win Jonah  over. Perplexed by what he thought he was imagining, he broke into tears and hugged the man, Oh dad thank you so much,what took you so long? Where were you before mom got married?  why didn't you meet mum before I was born?

Don't laugh alone, share it to your friends.

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Stubborn mosquitoes

September 17, 2017

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Funny

Jonah has been experiencing sleepless nights because of mosquitoes. He could not take it any longer so he went to the market and bought mosquito net and hung it to his wall.

The next day he still complained to his neighbor, “even after buying for the mosquitoes their own house they still won’t let me be” said Jonah. “You mean you did not sleep in the net? asked his neighbor”. No I didn’t, it’s called a mosquito net so it’s the mosquitoes that should sleep inside not me.

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Funny facts that crack your ribs!!!

August 19, 2017

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Funny

Some of these facts are so funny they'll make you laugh so hard. Some are so weird that you'll find it difficult to believe them. But they're still FACTS!

1. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
2. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
3. Rats and horses can't vomit.
4. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a phone call.
5. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.
6. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

7. If you keep your eyes open by force when you sneeze, you might pop an eyeball out.
8. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
9. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
10. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
11. Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
12. Hot water is heavier than cold.
13. Guinea Pigs and rabbits can't sweat.
14. The porpoise is second to man as the most intelligent animal on the planet.
15. Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
16. Gorillas sleep as much as 14 hours per day.
17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
18. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

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How MTN ruined my life

August 18, 2017

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Funny

My name is Jonah but my friends call me Thomas; if there is anything by which I am known among my friends is skeptic nature - I doubt everything. I think I could earn a living from being skeptic if it were a profession, I just can not explain how it is that I become a chronic skeptic. Truly there has never been a greater enemy to the human mind than doubt. It breeds inaction which later results to failure to achieve your goal - what's worst? it leaves that person only with regrets - this I never understood until one day while sitting in a couch watching TV I received an SMS from MTN, which states that I should try out their love calculator. I matched my name against the name of my girlfriend which cost me NGN 50.

The reply i got was really shocking, The result states that our love level was 23% and that I should exit the relationship as it wasn't healthy for me, i felt as though i had been jolted with 75000 volt of electricity at that moment. Being skeptic about the love my girl had for me I obliged to their advice.  That was how i lost my girlfriend. MTN ruined my relationship or i should blame my skeptic nature?

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Read and thank me later! very funny man

July 02, 2017

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Funny

It was a warm Sunday evening when bro Judah visited his friend Jonah, the following conversation conspired between them:

Bro Judah: bro Jonah, what is the matter? I have asking you what the matter is for the past 45 minutes but you wouldn't say anything.
...bro Jonah, stop crying like a child now...

After few minutes
Bro Jonah: bro Judah, why were you disturbing me? Do not know that I was praying?
Bro Judah: aahhh!! Bro Jonah! You crying and sobbing at the same time like a child, when did crying become prayer?
Bro Jonah: aaahh!! Bro Judah! Were you not listening to pastor today?? He said we should cry to God so that He will change our situation, abi I lie??? I was only acting on instruction.
Bro Judah: You are a prayer point! That wasn't what the pastor meant -besides, what makes you think by crying God will answer you?

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